I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
