If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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