I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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