how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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