my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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