I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
