two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize