I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i used baking grease as lip gloss
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
