So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
