After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
