i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
third nipple confirmed
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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