the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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