he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
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my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
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he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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