Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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