I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
