We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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