The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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