I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
