dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
