He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
