She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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