so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
