I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
