i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
