i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
