the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
