I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
