I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
