Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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