you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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