Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I have already put on my inside pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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