My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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