I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
