I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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