I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
