Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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