that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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