Yo dont text me then not text me
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
