we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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