my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
