he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
