New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
