My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
