Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize