idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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