u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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