so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
