It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
