I haven't been this sober since birth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
