ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
