Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
