I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
