I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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