My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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