I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
