no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I think i peed on brittanys purse
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
