I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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