OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
