She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
