I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
