Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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