Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
