I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
