There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
