I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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