why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
