Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
be right there i have to get my cape
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
