I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
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You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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