Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
