why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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