So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We are two peas in an std pod
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
