She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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