Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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